The Journey Continues

I suppose if you are reading this you are aware that this Christmas I intend to join into communion with the Catholic Church. It is a decision that I do not take lightly, and I know that many will not understand. It is for this reason that I would like to attempt to share at least part of my journey with those that I love. I do not claim to have found all of the answers, or even half of them. At some point along the way I came to the realization and acceptance that this is impossible. But I have searched for truth, and in searching have come to the belief that it can be found in the Catholic Church. This is not to say that there is no truth to be found in other denominations. In fact, over Thanksgiving I was thinking about some of the things I am thankful for; my childhood, godly heritage, growing up in Church of the King and later Valley Harvest, the many people whose lives and love of Christ have set an example for me, and the emphasis of scripture in my life are just a few. I will always be grateful for these things and do not mean to belittle them in any way.
My journey started about the time Marriana joined our family. For the first time in my life I met a Catholic who loved Christ, had a relationship with Him, loved to worship with us, and even would pray in the Spirit (I didn’t even know this was possible for a Catholic). While I must admit that Marriana has played a key role in this journey, I would never join the Catholic Church for her. I remember at one point distinctly thinking that even if she were no longer in my life I would have to keep searching given what I already knew.
Meeting Marriana was one thing, visiting Franciscan University was another. There I met so many young people passionately in love with Jesus. I often went to visit when they had Festival of Praise nights; literally two hours of praise and worship! So I started to become aware for the first time that perhaps Catholics were not what I had originally perceived them to be: people who didn’t read the bible and only went to boring mass in order to do enough good works to get to heaven. I think we would all agree that Jesus looks at the heart of a person, and that in all denominations it could be easy to simply “go through the motions” of religion.
Next I began to notice that the Catholic Church was actually our biggest advocate in the fight for LIFE. And when many other denominations turned away from truth on the issues of life or marriage, it was the Catholic Church that stood strong amidst the raging battle. When I took a moment to look up while fighting with my fellow Christians from Church of the King and Valley Harvest, it was the Catholic Church (amongst others) who stood next to us. It is critical in this hour to know who our allies are if we are to overcome the pervasive culture of death in our generation.
At this part of my journey my view of the Catholic Church had begun to shift from acknowledgment that they were fellow Christians to appreciation for their defense of morals. For all of the other “stuff” I didn’t care to know; except for one thing, all that “stuff” mattered to my sister. I’m talking about all the “extra” Catholic traditions that we didn’t agree about i.e. saints, purgatory, baptism, the papacy, and (heaven forbid) Mary. Because it mattered so much to her (and not really because I personally cared and CERTAINLY not because I wanted to apply any of it to MY life) I would listen to her ramble on and on for hours explaining some belief that the Catholic Church held.
Well, the problem (if that is what you wish to call it) is that the Catholic Church has a logical explanation for everything it teaches. Not only that, but I have not found anything that blatantly disagrees with scripture and in fact when interpreted through the Church, can be and is backed by scripture. For a long time I took Marriana’s word for it, but more recently began searching from other sources.
Admittedly, senior year in college I went to the Catholic adoration chapel frequently. It was within walking distance and I told myself it was a nice quiet place to get away from campus and pray. Well, I stopped going the day I felt the Holy Spirit say that I was going to become Catholic. I didn’t tell ANYBODY until Mother Dear a few months ago. I did NOT want to become Catholic. I was happy as a protestant preacher’s daughter. It would be so much easier NOT to rock the boat, NOT to question, and NOT to soften my heart to this madness. For the next few months I questioned whether or not God even existed or if we could hear Him and know His will. I distinctly remember going for a run in Marietta and crying out that if He existed He would show Himself to me.
I was able to work past the, “does God exist” part pretty quickly and accept the whole trinity deal. But how could we be sure that we are hearing from God? Particularly in the case where two leaders in the church both say they are hearing from Him but they disagree? One of them has to be wrong. Is splitting off and creating a new denomination really the answer? These questions led me to look at where my beliefs came from.
Personally I had grown up being taught to obey my parents. This led me to believe that they were always right. It was a hard lesson when I realized for the first time that this wasn’t always the case (but that is another story). I always believed what they taught me and they believed what was taught by the Federation of Ministers and Churches as well as what they had discovered through their own life experiences. Not that there isn’t truth there, but it seemed very subjective. I think because of this I was drawn to the history of the Catholic Church. Everything the Church has taught has been handed down from the time of the apostles. There have been times where terms have been created for clarification purposes, but the early Church Fathers laid the foundation that still exists today. It is because of the Catholic Church that we believe today that Jesus was BOTH fully God and fully man. It is because of the Catholic Church that we have the cannon of sacred scripture. I could go on and on.
This all being said, I do recognize that the Church does not have a perfect or even pretty history. That is because it is led by people, and people are broken, therefore the Church is broken. Just because it is broken doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hold truth though. For example, as Christians we hold the truth that because Jesus died for us we are no longer bound by sin, yet we still sin. In the same way the Church holds the truth, and yet has not abided by it. I also think that discussions about how to practically apply truth are essential both at the top of the hierarchy and amongst the lay people.
So….after coming to the conclusion that God exists, I told Him that if He wanted me to become Catholic, He would have to help me believe what the Catholic Church teaches because at that time I didn’t. I could not have said with a clear conscious, “I profess to believe all that the Catholic Church teaches.” But I was willing to learn. One thing I learned being homeschooled is to always have a teachable heart.
As the time drew near for me to move to Houston I was secretly excited about the opportunity to learn more about the Catholic faith. After moving I started to read books and articles and going to the adoration chapel after work. There was no harm in learning right? That way I could knowledgably argue against it. But the more I learned the more I felt I could not have this knowledge and not act in some way. Up to this point I was attracted to the rich history, the strong morals, and was becoming at least logically ok with the “extra stuff”. And then I started reading about the Eucharist.
The Catholic Church as taught from the time of the apostles that during communion when the priest prays over the bread and wine that through the power of the Holy Spirit it becomes the body and blood of Jesus Christ. That the sacrifice on the cross done once-and-for-all is constantly reenacted at the altar of the Church. That Jesus himself desires to dwell within us in a real and tangible way. I have sufficient evidence through historical documents that this is true. It is not something that can really make sense to the mind, but must be believed through faith. Just like the faith it takes to believe that God became man, so we believe that the bread becomes Christ. My question became, “if this is the way that He has chosen to give of Himself, should I not want it with all that I am?”
Throughout this whole process whenever I have asked God to speak, He is always answering in some way, “I love you”. I believe that He desires to show me His love through the receiving of the Eucharist.
I would be amiss to think that my community at the Vineyard in Houston has not played a role in my life during this time. God has been at work healing my heart though deep friendships and lots of prayer. Although it is more recently that I have shared with my friends and family what God has been doing as far as the Catholicism is concerned, (I think because of fear of their reactions and hurting them) their listening ears, encouragement, and most of all prayer has been huge. It has also made the decision that much harder. I love to go, but I hate to leave.
I started taking a “formation” class in September, and so now the opportunity to join the Catholic Church is here. I believe that God is calling me there, what choice do I have but to obey? I do not know the full purpose for which He has called me, but I know He can and will work in me and through me if only I surrender.
I am excited about the new journey ahead. I cannot express how truly blessed I am to have the family and friends that I do and how much your love and prayers mean to me especially at this time. I pray that you will feel welcome to talk with me and ask questions and learn and grow with me as we each draw closer to Our Father.